from tdo for a bit of fun

What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!




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Why don't aliens eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.



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What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh



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Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".



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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
el-if-i-no



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Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.



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Why did the fish get kicked out of school?
Cause he was caught with seaweed.



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The fight we had last night was my fault,
my wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.



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Boys are like parking spaces the good ones are take-in!!!!



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What did one ghost say to another?
Do you believe in people?



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They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.



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When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.



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Where did you get those big eyes?
They came with the face.



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I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls.



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It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look.



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A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.



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"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."



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I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.



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"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
"You're lucky. My wife does."



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We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.


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Did you hear about the wife who shot her husband with a bow and arrow because she didn't want to wake the children.



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The quickest way to make tossed salad is to give fresh vegetables to an 18-month-old child.



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"What do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best."



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"How is your wife getting along on her reducing diet?"
"Fine. She vanished last night."




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"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"



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"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."



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"I heard you missed school yesterday."
"Not a bit."


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"I gotta 'A' in spelling."
"You dope! There isn't any 'A' in spelling."



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My wife is always talking about a trip to Europe.
I have no objections - I let her talk.



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There's one thing good about being poor - its inexpensive.



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Summer must be over. My neighbour just returned my lawn furniture.

Good uns, keep em coming